Pussy grabs back: election eve considerations

Composite by Jessica Bennett, original image by Stella Marrs. Photograph: Jessica Bennett @jess7bennett

I got very emotional over my yogurt and berries breakfast as my husband and I discussed the election. I very much believe we’re going to have our first female president. But the ugliness of this election season and especially Trump, rape culture, and all the trappings of the backlash to progress have made me almost lose sight of this milestone. Almost. 

Yes, we should have already had a female president. Yes, who cares about gender. What-the-fuck-ever. Because here we are now. We’ve been through a lot. This year has been about so many things, including #BlackLivesMatter. Black people being shot to death for no reason by cops has brought up a lot to discuss, including our institutionalized racism. We’re finally discussing how our country was built — on the backs of people brought here against their will. It is no wonder we’ve got a whole mucky-muck mess on our hands (to put it completely childishly). So — we’re talking about it. Some of us are realizing our white privilege means an invitation to responsibility. At the very least, responsibility to read, to talk with people, to open our hearts, to admit our ingrained biases so that we can move forward.

​As I got emotional this morning about having our first female president, braided up in those feelings was also the fact that we have a monster of an opposing figure to progress in Trump. To the very progress of having a female president, in fact. A monster who says he can grab any woman’s pussy. It has been hard the last month or so with the weight of the reminder that as a woman I am not considered equal. That there are many who still believe our bodies are up for their amusement and violence. That we are merely receptacles who should keep our mouths closed (until they want to stuff something in it). And keep our mouths closed we have. We’ve bent over backwards, put on high heels, preened and pretended not to be the powerful life-giving miracles we are. We’ve tolerantly patted their hands, letting them know we’re sweet, we’re not scary. We’ve let it slide. No fucking more.

He wants to grab the pussy? Good fucking luck. I think a lot of us are finally finally finally getting the memo that the time for hand patting and sweet smiles and tolerance for rape culture and “locker room talk” is over. They’ve pushed us too far.

Another thing that came to mind this morning while being emotional was all the women I’ve known who have been raped. And all the friends who didn’t believe them. Some of the most open and progressive of my friends, still blaming the victim first. Hating her. I’ve seen it over and over. It makes me sick. Some guy jerks off on one friend in the middle of the night and all the guys dismiss it. Everyone dismisses it because the assaulter was troubled and drunk. Another friend molested by another friend: BLAMED for whatever she can be blamed for and “no, he couldn’t possibly have done it” (why would she lie? she didn’t). Another friend date raped by her boyfriend/coworker, coming to work with bruises, crying: ACCUSED of lying, bruising herself (in this case the rapist got to the coworkers first). Again and again and again. And those are the ones who’ve told. I know we don’t want to believe the ugliness, but it’s fucking ugly, for Christ’s sake.

Speaking of Christ, one of the things I find very interesting about this election is how non-religious Donald Trump is, but many of his constituents are. Of course he isn’t. He is not a Jesus-like creature. And yet he is the man who has manifested from all of the people on the right who consider themselves so very principled. Maybe if they stopped for a minute to notice that this monster is what comes of principles born of intolerance they might have a moment of grace. I’m not going to hold my breath, because it would surprise me greatly if anyone took responsibility for electing a candidate like this. They all seem so bewildered — the ones who aren’t crazy, violent, hateful motherfuckers, anyway. All of this hate and intolerance in the name of Jesus and God — I’ll give them one thing — their God must be a forgiving one, because it’s gotta drive Him up the wall (cloud?) that His people are so astray from the teachings of His love.

This seems more like the sentiment a certain sect of the population is going for:
Make America Rape Again

Oh, and — we were once the immigrants. It’s just amazing how much bullshit can be spewed and no one seems to notice or care.

Anyway — first female president, right after the first Black president. Yes. But not without a LOT of ugliness. I keep trying to remind myself the level of bombast and hatred and vitriol is directly proportionate to the amount and level of progress. This is a good sign, even if it feels like being stabbed and told you ain’t worth shit, woman. You don’t deserve the vote, woman. Let’s reverse suffrage, woman. The privilege of the patriarchy is slipping, I remind myself. It’s in its death throes, and that is why it is fighting harder and shittier and dirtier than ever. But I'm with her.