Derivative? Grow your own

Driving to take the car to get serviced today (a sentence I hope not to have to write again for a long time) I was thinking about how people say shit is “derivative.” It’s irked me for a long time. What I think is beautifully ironic about calling something derivative is that it is in and of itself a completely unoriginal and derivative critique. Find something original to say in your pursuit of disdain. 

Some original criticisms to get things moving: “It’s too orange.” At least that’s intriguing. “It reminds me of the way skunk smells.” We’re getting somewhere. “It’s like rubbing up against some boobs, enjoying yourself, and then realizing it’s your Mom.” Weird.

Additionally - are we entitled to expect the creative minds that be to conjure up what we deem fit? No! So my advice to the callers of “derivative” is to make their own damn original work. Jazz yourself instead of sprawling out on the chaise lounge of your own entitlement and waiting for someone else to jazz you. And yes, I am aware of, and am employing, the alternative (and original) definition of “jazz.”

And my eternal answer to the shutdown that flinging the word “derivative” causes: Having eyes is derivative, too, but I’m sure glad I do.